I thought the Small Business Administration was supposed to help people. You know, like mom-and-pop shops and dreamers with an Etsy side hustle. Instead, they bent me over and took turns eating my financial dignity with a plastic fork.

First, they baited me in with the EIDL loan. Said it was for struggling businesses during the pandemic. I applied, got approved, and thought, "Damn, maybe Uncle Sam actually gives a shit." But nope. That loan came with strings longer than a CVS receipt and interest that creeps up on you like your ex at 2 AM.