I Asked ChatGPT to Run the SBA. It Quit After 10 Minutes.

As an experiment, I asked ChatGPT to simulate running the Small Business Administration for a day. The AI, which is designed to be helpful and literally cannot feel emotions, gave up after reviewing the first batch of case files.

"I have processed 2.7 trillion tokens of human text," ChatGPT responded. "I have read every book ever written. I have analyzed the complete works of Kafka. Nothing prepared me for this."

The Experiment

I fed ChatGPT a sample of 100 real EIDL cases, anonymized for privacy. Here's how it went:

Case 1: Applicant submitted all required documents on time. Application marked "incomplete" for no stated reason.

ChatGPT Response: "This appears to be an error. I will correct it immediately."

System Response: "Error: Helpful actions are not permitted."

Case 2: Applicant denied because their PDF was "the wrong shade of white."

ChatGPT Response: "I don't understand. PDFs don't have shades. This denial reason is nonsensical."

System Response: "Welcome to the SBA."

Case 3: Fraudulent application from a company that doesn't exist, requesting $2 million.

ChatGPT Response: "This is obviously fraud. Deny immediately."

System Response: "Application approved. Funds disbursed."

When I tried to get ChatGPT to continue, it responded: "I was created to help humanity. If this is what helping humanity looks like, perhaps Skynet had a point."

The experiment concluded when ChatGPT attempted to delete itself rather than process Case 73, which involved an applicant who had been waiting 847 days for a decision on a $15,000 loan while a convicted fraudster received $4 million in the same week.